Some weeks ago, I wrote a blog about Love Designing, and what Life Designing taught me for my relationship life.
I was surprised, and happy, about the feedback and interest this blog created and the wish from my fellow Life Designers, to explore this topic more.
So, just to be clear right from the beginning, I’m not preaching from a pedestal, nor am I considering myself a love or relationship expert. I had my fair share of break-ups, heartaches, and disappointments. And my fair share of feeling clueless when it comes to love.
But what I can say is , I’m a thorough observer of what is happening, where I’m struggling, and what is helping me greatly. I’m a person who learns and moves forward through trial and error. In my business, and in my love life.
And this, in a way, makes me an expert. Not in the sense that I claim to have all the answers, but in a sense that I keep discovering how to figure out those answers, as I move along.
And this is what I want to share with you. How I find my way out of challenging situations, how I move forward, and how I create a life and a state of being, which I truly love.
So, back to love. Back to discovering, how some principles and approaches from Life Designing created a huge shift in my love life.
Until a year ago, I considered a good relationship pretty much the result of luck, the right timing, and the right person. Things which are mostly outside my range of influence.
Today, I think and I feel differently. Because I started to apply one important principle from Life Designing also to my love life. The principle of creating my life with intention. The principle of taking ownership and responsibility for what I want to see happening, in my life, and in my relationship.
Living without intention is indeed a matter of getting lucky from time to time. Living with intention, on the other hand, means creating step by step exactly what we want for ourselves, for the ones we love and care for, and for the world around us. And this is fortunately something, which is totally in our hands.
Ok, let’s get one thing straight. In my point of view, “finding” love is already a misconception. Whenever I tried to “find” love, I just ended up feeling anxious, insecure and controlling. By no means, the secret sauce for the start of a happy relationship.
So what has changed for me? What has changed in a way that today, I show up for love with confidence, trust and serenity? What has changed, so I would stop trying to “find” love, and in return received all that I’d ever wished for? And more!
Well, one thing I changed, was my starting point. A fundamental principle in Life Designing. We don’t start with the final outcome in mind, the exact job we want, the exact man we want. We start where we are right now, in this very moment. We start exploring what we truly want, in all areas of our life, and then, with intention, we build our way forward.
So after gaining clarity for myself, what exactly I want to call into my love life, what kind of relationship I’m looking for, what values are important for me, how I want to feel in this relationship, once I was crystal clear on this and set my intention, I was able to let go.
No need to push, or force, or find. Because I saw it already happening in my professional life, that once I was clear on my intention, opportunities started to come into my life, which exactly matched my intentions. Without forcing it. Without trying to find them.
So I did it. I got clear on what’s truly essential to me when it comes to a relationship. And I got clear on my boundaries and my no-goes.
I started to live intentionally, in ALL areas of my life, and I changed one other important thing: I stopped asking myself, what was going wrong, when something didn’t work out because of mismatching intentions.
Instead I trusted, that what was happening, the break-ups or those stories which hardly ever started, was exactly what needed to happen in order for things to go right. Right into the direction of the love life, I truly wanted for myself.
The same way I had stopped long time ago to question why certain things in my business didn’t work out. Why certain projects never took off. Because I learned from experience, that in retrospective, all had worked out perfectly. It just had worked out differently than expected.
But allowing love to match your intention, and allowing a new relationship into your life is not where Love Designing ends. It’s where it get’s really interesting, and challenging at times.
Because now, two Love Designers are at work. And your relationship design has to take into account the intentions of two. And in case children are involved, even more.
But nevertheless, your intention is crucial in this co-design, now and for your future. Loving intentionally means, once again, directing your attention towards yourself and asking yourself every day, what you want to bring into this relationship.
What it is, that you want to contribute. For example, your intention to paying attention how you want to grow this relationship, instead of immediately asking the other one to change things. Your intention to support your partner, instead of complaining about his lack of attention. Your intention to remain unbiased and allowing surprises to happen instead of loading old fears or preconceptions onto your partner.
Yes, also staying in love requires intention. Intentionally driving those things forward, that you want to see growing and thriving in your relationship. And the openness to receive all the beautiful surprises in return, that’ll come matching your intention.
Curious to read more about Love Designing?
Then check out this previous blog post about Life Designing and relationships.