The Valentine’s greeting cards might be still on your desk, the roses still look fresh, and you’re maybe still recovering from those “celebrations of love” and the Champagne that came along with it.
Yes, lately we’ve been exposed to a “whole lotta love”.
Impossible to even buy a slice of bread without working our way through heart-shaped balloons, rose-shaped chocolates, and romantic-cheesy cards. As soon as the Christmas lights came off, the hearts were on!
Totally fine with me, to dedicate a timespan of several weeks to our love relationships, and to the preparation of celebrating it in a worthy way. But immersed in all those red, shiny, heart-shaped bits and pieces, did we maybe forget to celebrate this one, key love affair? I’m literally talking of the “love of your life”, or should I better say, the love FOR your life.
So my question to you is, how’s the state of this love relationship?
Is it passionate, fulfilling, invigorating and in joyful anticipation of spending the days together?
Or is it more of a lukewarm partnership of convenience, drifting together through the days on an emotional flatline?
Or, even worse, do you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with your own life and have no clue what to do with this situation, since divorce is not really an option?
Yes, it might sound too obvious, or too easy, this whole gratitude list writing and exercising. But guess what, it DOES work. And it’s one of the most powerful ways to instantly raise our positive energy and create more heart coherence.
And in the long run, practicing gratitude on a regular basis, is associated with greater happiness, improved health, greater resilience and stronger relationships, as extended research from the field of positive psychology has proven.
I know, when your love relationship with your life is in a rocky spot and you feel so much is lacking in your life, practicing gratitude might seem a bit far fetched. But instead of focusing on material things or conditions, start with focusing on people and experiences when compiling your gratitude list.
Write down a list of people in your life, you’re grateful to have. It doesn’t matter if you know them personally, or if those people are role models, that crossed your path through inspiring books or talks. Everybody who’s inspiring, or uplifting, or caring, or loving you counts for some gratitude, don’t you think? Next, think of experiences you’re grateful for. All those wonderful, positive experiences that happened to you (nothing is too small, not to be counted) but also those challenging experiences, that came with great learning and growth opportunities.
I bet, even in the midst of a relationship crisis with your own life, you still find people or experiences to be grateful for. Feel this gratitude, and stay with it for as long as possible. And as often as possible.
That’s right. Go on a date with yourself, on a regular basis. Is there a movie you’re dying to see, but no one is up for it? Take yourself on a date and see it! You and your own interests matter too much, to depend on the mood or preferences of others.
You care about nice gestures and small gifts but recently no one seems to remember this: Some flowers, your favourite ice-cream, a nice book? Nada! Well, you’re the most important player in this life-love-relationship, so what are you waiting for?
I think most of us already said or heard this phrase in a relationship: ” YOU DON’T LISTEN TO ME!!!” Mostly used in an outburst of frustration or anger.
Yes, it IS frustrated if you feel unheard or unseen. And it hurts. Because what we have to say, what we think, what we feel matters. So imagine the feeling of being unheard or unseen in your most important relationship, the one that lasts all your life!?
If you sense that this is part of your troubled relationship with your own life, if you have a hunch, that your own needs, feelings, aspirations or dreams have been unnoticed for quite a while, speak up! Speak up, courageously and honestly, and make a promise to yourself, whatever comes up will be heard with compassion, empathy, and curiosity.
Just listen. No need to justify, rationalize, or to take action right away. Just listen, and stay with it for a while. Because you and your needs deserve to be heard.
Photo by Mandy von Stahl on Unsplash; Photo by Brigitte Tohm on Unsplash